Gilmour Gurls

I have a new idea. When the girls are a few years older, I'm going to get all Murry Wilson and form them into an all-girl Pink Floyd and Big Star cover band called Gilmour Gurls. It. Will. Be. Brilliant.

Where the Wild Things Aren’t

Here's a post that's been bouncing around my head for quite sometime. It's about a little girl who was afraid of Wild Things.

You see, a few years ago, when my eldest was about two and a half, I brought Where the Wild Things Are home from the library. I loved it as a kid and I thought she was at the age where she would really enjoy it.

Bedtime rolled around, I showed her the book, and she began to freak out. “What are those things? I don’t like that book. Those are scary. That’s a scary book daddy!” I tried to settle her down and tell her the book was about a brave little boy. She wasn’t buying it. Things escalated and she continued to freak out. Eventually, she demanded that I get in the car and drive the book back to the library. "That book is scaring me - take it out of my room - take it back to the library!" It was so scary she couldn’t even sleep in the same house as the book.

So I went out and put the book in the car, took a quick lap around the block, and came back inside. I like to think I’m a pretty good dad, but I’m not making a special trip to the library at 8:00 just to get Where the Wild Things Are out of the house.

She continued to talk about the “scary book” for quite a few weeks. Anytime I brought books home from the library she said “You didn’t get the scary book, did you? I don’t like that book!” Eventually she forgot about it.

Then, about a year later, someone gave her and my youngest daughter copies of the book. My youngest loved the book. She like the “monsters.” “Daddy – I like the one with the cow face – he’s like a cow. Daddy – you like the bird face one!” Eventually, my eldest warmed to the book and now we read it pretty frequently.

And that seems like the perfect reaction. Afterall, it's a book about helping kids understand their emotions - anger, sadness, and fear. So, without further ado, let the WILD RUMPUS START!

I’ll Tumble for Ya

Mornings are never fun at my house. While my daughters are both extremely cute and generally quite sweet. When first awoken they resemble surly teenagers trapped inside the bodies of angry little elves.

But today was extra fun - it began with a bang. My three year-old took a tumble down the stairs as we were getting ready to leave the house. I’m not sure how she did it. I was in the kitchen. I heard a thud, and then a rumble and I got to the stairwell just in time to see her hit the bottom. She cried a little but said she was fine. We checked her for bumps and blood, gave her an ice pack, and she was fine.

It was scary as hell and the second time one of the kids has fallen down the stairs in the last year. In both cases they were fine and in both cases we couldn’t have done much to prevent the falls. I’m not saying you shouldn’t put gates at the top and bottom of your stairs, I’m just saying they won’t stop every fall.

So while my daughter began her day by tumbling down the stairs, I on the other hand, began my morning with a 2.2 mile run on a treadmill (the longest distance I have run since doing my first 5K in September).

And while my daughter felt fine a few minutes after falling down an entire set of stairs,) I feel like I’m walking around on knees filled with the little gravel that goes in the bottom of fish tanks. And since I live with two little girls, I envision knees filled with pink and purple gravel.

Oh to be a kid again. I'm not asking to be able to fall down the stairs without a scratch. But it would be nice to do a short run without feeling like my joints are filled with small rocks.

Valentine's Day

You hate Valentine’s Day don’t you? It’s a stupid Hallmark Holiday invented for the sole purpose of selling cards, bad chocolates, flowers, balloons, and stuffed animals? You’re not going to let some corporation tell you how to profess your love? Ok, that’s your prerogative.

Me, I’m with V-day for the long haul. Why? Because 19 years ago some girl finally agreed to go on a date with me. It just happened that our first date was on Valentine’s Day. Talk about pressure. First, you ask a girl (repeatedly) to go out with you. And just so we are perfectly clear, this is 1992 and the boy in question is a Doc Marten-wearing, flannel-draped, shaved side of the head dork, so the odds are already stacked against him. So when girl finally says yes, it’s for “the most romantic day of the year.” That’s like turning 21 on St. Patrick’s Day or Cinco de Mayo (and yes, I realize that those days aren’t really meant for binge drinking). I’m making a point.

Where were we? Oh yes, girl says yes. Boy plans date. Boy takes girl out for pizza and, of all things, bubble gum ice cream. Boy gives girl a single rose and a card - it is Valentine's Day after all. And some how, against all odds, girl agrees to a second date, and then another, and another. And here we are, celebrating the 19th anniversary of that first date.

Valentine’s Day was good to me that year. It has been ever since. Sure it’s a made up holiday, but why not make the most it. Make a nice dinner, open a bottle of wine, make the most of it.

Quacktastic

Yes, this is really a duck eating a piece of sausage. Does this end as some sort of natural fois gras?

The Great Bon Iver Debate

I was surprised to discover that there is a national debate going on regarding the song Beth/Rest by Bon Iver. If you have not heard the song, it’s an amazing slice of 80’s nostalgia complete with saxophone and a really cheesy faux piano synth patch. It sounds like the lost theme from some Ralph Macchio-starring Karate Kid Part III that never was.

Seriously, the first time I heard the song my reaction was “Holy Glory of Love! Bon Iver sounds like Peter freaking Cetera!” And I’ll be the first to admit that if I didn’t already like Bon Iver I would not have given this song a chance. But I did give it a chance, and it’s one of my favorite songs of the year.

Recently, NPR did a segment on the divisiveness of the song and featured Justin Vernon (the man behind Bon Iver) doing a solo piano (real piano) version of the song. It was good. But I’m sticking with the 80’s love theme original version.

So be it if every time I hear the intro I picture Ralph Macchio and some vaguely-Asian 80’s beauty frolicking in the waves on some Okinawa shore, fading into a montage of Cobra Kai and crane kicks…



And the solo piano version...





And a little Cetera magic...

Craziest Christmas Album Ever!

Ok, this is crazy - it seems that Scott Weiland (yes, the perpetually drug-addled former lead singer of Stone Temple Pilots) is releasing a Christmas album. Holy $hit - this isn't a joke. Who's horrible idea was this? How much heroin did someone offer him in exchange for recording this album?

I can't even wrap my head around this. What are the songs titles? I'm imagining an intro to Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer where he says "hey kids, Rudolph's nose is red because he's been on a two week cocaine bender!"

The most wonderful time of the year? Is that when the new vintage of heroin comes in? WOW. I might have to buy this just for the sheer insanity of it.

I'm pretty sure "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" is about to take on a new item. This makes about as much since as Danzig doing an album of kids songs.

Track Listing
It's a Black Tar World
Dance of the Oxycontin Ferry
Lo How a Poppy E're Blooming

Come on kids, play along at home and add your own suggestions...

Mental Maps Pt 1

I found this on the interwebs. It cracked me up.

Hurricaniption Fit

Looking at grocery store shelves (and shopping carts) in the advance of Hurricane Irene, it would appear that a large lactose intolerance convention is about to take place and that the attendees are planning to binge on lactose, suffer gastrointestinal distress, and then eat bread. I.e., the shelves are cleared of milk, toilet paper, and bread.

How long do people really think they are going to be trapped in their homes? I understand the tp, but seriously, can you really not last without milk for 24-72 hours? If that’s the case, the Dairy Council has pulled off the coup of a lifetime.

Screw milk. Make sure you have games to keep the kids occupied, a flash light, gas or charcoal for the grill and some good red wine to go with the steaks that are going to start thawing out quickly if we lose power.

Oh, and my money is on a spike in births in May…

East Coast Earthquake?

That was a surprise. It's feeling like 1993 around here! Anybody else need a stiff drink?